I needed to remember I need him

Sitting there, overwhelmed with my circumstance, I found myself in need of help carrying this heavy burden. I had been trying to haul this load around, but I didn't realize it until I was on a phone call at work. (Side note: If this has ever happened to you, you know work is a really “great” place to have a breakdown.)

It hit me all at once: surgery, cost of surgery, the future, our dreams, will I ever be healed, children – everything all jumbled around with emotions attached to each thought. As I became aware of my tears trying to break through, I called Dave and explained what I was feeling. He said two keys things:

"God healed you of a lot of deep hurt and pain that we didn’t have to work through in our marriage so this physical need is just what we have to bear."

 

"This is not that big in the scheme of how big our God is."

As the tears flowed, release and relief came. I needed that reminder to renew my hope for tomorrow. I needed to think about how much God has already done and his limitless ability to take care of me. More than anything, I needed to remember I need him.

Sitting there, overwhelmed with my circumstance, I found myself in need of help carrying this heavy burden. This time, I realized my great need for him and I reached out. He took my hand and placed my burden upon his shoulders. What rest that brought my heart and mind.

Later that day, I figured out that I had my "awesome" breakdown at work because I hadn't been allowing myself time to process my emotions and I wasn't allowing God to help me deal with everything. How many times must I learn this lesson of not trying to be so strong? I don’t know. I can say that God does not walk away when I'm trying to do life in my own strength – he sticks around like no other and is always faithful to answer when I do finally ask for help.

 

Lord, let me not forget,

not take another step
without your strength
without your rest.