Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Waking Dreams

It's been so long
this dream has haunted.
I thought I knew
this desire it flaunted.

Head laden.
Shoulders tight.
Can't find rest.
Can't see light.

Dreams are waking
to life's importance.
Dreams are changing
to my reflections.

Head unchained.
Shoulders light.
I find rest.
I see light.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

I Dropped My Dream

Today I realized I dropped my dream. Now, I have more than one dream so I guess that's why I didn't notice the empty spot in my hand. That's kind of sad though.

I've carried the dream of songwriting since I was a teenager. I always thought one day one of my songs would "make it" and be heard by the world. That has not happened. That has not even remotely happened.

I stopped writing songs the way I used to. I'd spend hours writing and singing (I'm not a singer) while song after song would come to me. It brought me great fulfillment.

It still brings me fulfillment but I haven't been doing it. Why not? I think it's because I gave up the hope that it will become anything. That's not a good reason. If songwriting brings me fulfillment, I still need to be writing. How do I pick my dream back up with no certainty beyond my own fulfillment? I guess the same way I did when I was 15. Just write.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

.../\.../\.../\...Emotions.../\.../\.../\...

I've heard some women say they wished they didn't have emotions. While I do have my moments, I believe our emotions are what allow us to truly enjoy the great joys of our lives. The other side of the coin is that we feel the depth of despair.

Why do we women have so many drastic dips and spikes in our emotions? Well, we know hormones play a huge role, but what can we do about it? I've found that when I am eating healthier, exercising and spending time with God - I deal with my emotions much better. So, why do I get off track if I know these help me? Discipline. That's the key to balance and it's not always easy.

Discipline requires the death of one desire so another, better desire can grow stronger. I want to discipline myself to choose fruit over a baked good. That's going to take me choosing an apple even when I just want to shove a cookie in my mouth. I want to discipline myself to choose to jog over walking. That's going to take me choosing to run even when I'm tired. I want to discipline myself to read and pray everyday. That's going to take me choosing to manage my time better (and turn the TV off). I know fruit, running and my devotions are better for me than the alternatives. WHY is it so hard to choose them though? The wonderful world of fighting for discipline. Paul said that he did the things he didn't want to and didn't do the things he wanted to. We are not alone in this struggle.

Maybe if we start one piece of fruit at a time. One run at a time. One devotional at a time. Maybe then we can develop the discipline. Over time, with each victory, gaining more momentum. Maybe asking God for help. Asking Him to teach us how to live out the discipline we need.

God, I need Your help. I'm completely lost on my own.