When God's plan A is my plan B [or plan Never]

Dave and I have been talking about where we are and how we envisioned life differently than what it actually is. At times, it is overwhelming and discouraging.

Please don't misunderstand me – we have so much to be thankful for, but there's still a level of disappointment to work through. It's in that disappointment that we have to accept this different route. We have been rerouted and we don’t even know what those directions look like nor the destination.

This got me thinking about what my response is when God's plan A is my plan B (or plan Never).

I know many people in situations they didn't plan for that have brought difficult challenges and heartache. Dear friends that have lost babies. Family members with special needs children. Loved ones with debilitating diseases. So much unplanned suffering.

As heavy as that weighs upon my heart, I cannot negate the fact that along with those times of suffering, comes a deeper experience of God’s love and a greater dependence on Him. 

How else can I know the warmth of God’s comfort unless I feel sorrow? How else can I know the power of God’s strength unless I am weak? How else can I know the firmness of God’s foundation unless mine is shaken?

In my darkest of times, I have found God to be closest to me. In my deepest despair, I have found God’s hand holding me. God uses these times to draw me into Him where I find true rest and peace.

So, what is my response when God’s plan A is not mine? Here’s my honest answer:

1.       Say it’s all going to work out.

2.       When I can’t see how it’s working out, have a pity party.

3.       Cry some more.

4.       Feel very lost.

5.       Begin to turn my heart and mind to God to gain His perspective.

6.       Feel trust and faith build as I sense He’s in control.

7.       Rest in knowing it’s already taken care of so I just keep walking where I can see He’s leading me.

8.       Probably repeat 1-7 a few times until it sinks DEEP into my core.

9.       When I’ve come through the other side – celebrate and share my experience to help someone else.

I realize this process is different for everyone, but I think the key is not getting stuck in the early steps for too long. I keep moving towards God, even if that means I have to go around the block a few extra times to get that He’s for me not against me.

Our plan A was to have biological children. Our plan A was for me to not have a hysterectomy. Against our very will and prayers, that has not happened. What does that mean? God has another, better plan A that will blow ours away and fulfill God’s purpose. And, that’s what we want – completely – God’s plan and purpose in EVERY area of our lives even if it hurts right now.

Sometimes God wants my canvas to be completely blank

Ask me what I picture ahead in the future and I can’t give anything definitive. I’ve always been able to picture something (school, work, kids) but I can’t see anything right now.

Does this mean that I’m lost? It might seem that way but I believe sometimes God wants my canvas to be completely blank so He can paint the picture for me. I believe this is one of those times I will look back and see how much more beautiful this season of my life turns out simply because I let Him.

It's so tempting to just start doing something on that blank canvas because I have a need to see progress. In fact, my natural tendency is to plan out details of the future. My human mind likes to analyze and get it all figured out. To be honest, many times I’ve found myself ahead of God which ultimately wasted a lot of my mental and emotional energy.

I can only plan so far then I have to step away and trust.

That’s not always easy for a natural born planner (me!). But, I know this is a time God is asking me to take my hands off of the paintbrush and give it to Him. As hard as it is for my flesh, I do it and I will likely have to keep doing it many more times. That’s another natural tendency of mine – taking back something I’ve surrendered to God because I see how I could make it work or control the situation.

Again, it all comes back to a transfer of trust.

It’s letting go of my need to know and taking hold of the hand of the One who is truly in control and will lead me through the unknown future. There isn’t a better place to be. There isn’t a better guide to have. There isn’t a better artist to paint my blank canvas.