This month marks four years since my hysterectomy. I've been settling some thoughts in my heart and want to share them.5 Common Misconceptions About Women Who Can't Have Children [Me]
1] When I hold your babies or play with your children, I wish they were mine. Your children are precious and I enjoy them, but it doesn’t cross my mind. The closest thought I have is I wonder what our child would have been like? Thank you to all of our friends and family who share your sweet kiddos with us!
2] I avoid Mother’s Day services because I cannot handle it. That might be the case for some but I steer clear for your sake. I don’t want others to have to worry about consoling me. Instead, we go to Silver Dollar City where no one knows and we just have fun.
3] I have a hole in my heart and feel my life is incomplete. While it takes time to heal from the disappointment [maybe forever], my heart is whole and my life is full. There’s not a day that I wake up and think something is missing. I’m grateful to God for that. 4] Fostering or adoption is the next step. Not always and that’s okay. We know these are huge, life-changing decisions built around following God’s plan for us. We still don’t know what is ahead of us but it can, and likely will, look different from anyone else we know.
5] I feel like less of a woman. This is another area where God has graciously protected me. My identity and self-worth are not tied to reproduction. I may not be able to share in the birthing or breastfeeding conversations, but I’m still a woman with a lot of other conversations yearning to be had.
I share these pieces of my heart to let you know I'm okay. Even though it still hurts, at times, I'm happy and look forward to the future. I look forward to seeing God's plans for us continually unfold, as we trust Him. I look forward to Him using our story to help others.
I have something to add, late in the season, as it were, about being a childless woman. We decided long ago not to have kids. It isn't that I don't like them, but since we are both onlies, and since we live in a place that at one point was not really kid-friendly, it was easier to opt out of the entire process.
ReplyDeleteBut I hear you on the comments you get, and the misconceptions. My mother-in-law, whom I loved dearly, never said a word about 'becoming a granny' but for years she "adopted" her sister's grandchildren and it was only after she died did we realize she had done it more or less behind our backs--out of, I suspect a feeling that we would be racked by not having kids of our own.
uh, huh.
Do you get this one? You go to the viewing of a friend's new baby, and at some point the baby is passed around to all the women. When it comes to you, the next person in line leans over to take the child "Here, I've got him" and you are left wondering what just happened. Then you realize, you are the 'childless" woman.
The assumption that you don't really LIKE kids after all. Sadly, by this time, I realize I have no idea what to say to a three year old.
I wish you well on your journey, you sound pretty much together, in spite of all the helpful comments from the well-meaning. Be well.