I saw my husband before I knew he existed

A few months ago, our small group talked about how God speaks to us through visions and dreams. I was reminded of my most memorable vision.

It was the summer before I moved to Springfield. I was in a worship service with my eyes closed when I saw a dim glimpse of a man. I only saw features - blue eyes, blonde hair with a little curl to it and a big smile.

I felt God speak to me, "This is the man I have for you. He will love and appreciate the things that I have placed inside you, not just your outward beauty. He is smiling because he is happy but also because He loves Me."

I knew it was a vision from God. I knew it was a piece of hope to my heart. I knew it was direction for the future.

I moved to Springfield a few weeks later. I met Dave on a Sunday night at Central Assembly of God. However, I didn't connect the vision to him. I truly believe God blocked it from my memory so I would not overthink building a foundational friendship with Dave.

A couple of months later, I was standing in my bedroom and the vision came back to me. I looked up at God and said, "Is this him? Really? This soon?"

I called my mom and my brother asking them what I asked God. They both said the exact same thing, "Why not? You've been faithful to God."

God speaks to us every single day in so many different ways. Be listening. Be watching. Be expecting

The lie that I can handle it [alone]

A couple of weeks ago I decided I would buy some peanut butter. I hadn't bought any in about a year because I found out I have a slight allergy to peanuts (all legumes). It makes my tongue itchy, tingly and gives me sores almost instantly.

Well, I decided I was doing so well that I could handle it. So, I bought a big jar for $4 compared to the little jar of almond butter for $7. I told myself that I was saving money and it was going to be fine. It wasn't. I made a huge peanut butter sandwich with banana slices. I thoroughly enjoyed it…for about two minutes. Then came the itchy tongue. Then the tingly tongue. Then the sore on the tip of my tongue.

I was frustrated that I couldn't just eat something I have eaten my whole life but I was more frustrated with myself. My track record told me what would happen but since I hadn’t had any issues, I just thought I could start eating peanut butter again. Wrong. I wasn’t having issues because I wasn't eating peanut butter – DUH! :-)

I started to think about how often I subconsciously believe the lie that I can handle it [alone]. It = any part of my life that I try to do in my own strength. I do well and my reliance on God starts dropping off. I don't notice right away but then there's a moment when I realize how very, very tired I am – just flat out weary from running on my human, exhaustible strength.

The truth is I can't handle life alone and I'm not made to handle it alone. Whether it’s thoughts, planning the future, showing love to others, eating healthy, exercising, working – WHATEVER "it" may be – I'm not built to do life without Christ's strength. Why? Because I am weak. And, in my surrendered weakness, His strength is perfect.

If I’m not relying on the Lord, I'm not making room for Him to work in my life.

If I’m not making room for Him to work in my life, I’m doing life alone.

If I’m doing life alone, I'm not fully surrendered to Christ.

It seems harsh, but it's true. At the heart of my relationship with Jesus, is giving Him my weak moments, my strong moments and everything in between. It must be continuous dependence on Him or else I'll lose myself in myself. I don't want that. Besides, there's so much more peace, rest and joy when I rely on Him and not myself.

Here are a few verses that remind me where to find my strength and how God honors a dependence on Him:

Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always. 1 Chronicles 16:11

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might He increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:28-31

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. II Corinthians 12:9

Perfect vessels in glass cases

While praying for a friend going through a rough season, God showed me a powerful illustration.

I saw a clear, glass case with a pristine ship inside of it. I then saw hands take it out and put it in stormy waters. I watched the ship as the waves beat upon it. Although it was being whipped by the wind and waves, it never capsized or fell apart.

I felt God say, "I've taken this perfect vessel out of its glass case so I can show the world My master craftsmanship. It is of no use to Me unless I take it out and show what it’s made of.”

Like my friend, many faithful followers of Christ go through unexpected storms in life. I don’t have the answers for this suffering, but I can say a few things that I know for sure:

A life surrendered to God is used to speak to others in their own storm. Living in a place of surrender brings about a true reliance on God and it’s that dependence on Him that carries us through the rough waters. Watching others faithfully walk through their storms encourages me to keep walking and challenges me to keep my heart in a place of surrender.

Serving God through the storm brings Him glory. By staying on the ship during the storm, we point to God as the ultimate shipbuilder. Even as the ship is being tossed around, God’s favor and protection surrounds us. God built the ship to withstand the storm so, if I can just stand firm, He’ll bring me through and it will glorify His name.

Faith is strengthened in preparation for the future. As God upholds the vessel, a deep trust is formed – a trust that no force on earth can shatter. This is the kind of heart posture God looks for in His servants and it is what will take us to the places and hearts He has prepared for us. Learning to live in that deep trust will always strengthen my faith and lead me to the next steps God has for me.

Perfect vessels in glass cases are pretty to look at, but they haven’t truly been used by the One who made them. They haven’t really seen or tasted life. They serve only to be admired for their appearance not their strength and endurance. 

It’s the scraped and scarred vessels who have faced the raging storms and survived that are the most beautiful. In their darkest hour, they courageously find strength and peace in the palm of their Master’s hand. That’s the kind of vessel I want to be. At the risk of never seeing the glass case until Heaven, I pray God continues to place me where He can use me…even if that be a stormy sea.