He will bring beauty from my brokenness

The date has been set; I will have my reproductive organs removed on January 30.

There is a sadness in saying goodbye to the possibility of biological children. There is a relief in closing this chapter. There is a peace in knowing God is in control of what I cannot fix. There is a confidence that He will be with me. There is an excitement for what He will accomplish in our lives through this.



I know this sadness will ebb and flow as I process loss over this next month and again after surgery. Even though we feel as though we have been grieving, there will be a different level after the finality of it all. I ask for your prayers as we journey down this road of unknown emotions.

The relief is a huge comfort in closing this chapter of my life. It has been a physically painful and emotionally exhausting road for so many years. It helps to think of a life without that pain and a new kind of hope for the future. I ask that you pray specifically for a smooth surgery with no complications, that my doctor will find and remove every bit of Endometriosis, a quick and easy recovery, that my body would respond well to the surgical menopause that will begin after surgery, that my body will balance out with no other treatment needed, and that no Endometriosis would grow back.

The peace I feel is from God because there’s no explaining how I can have it going into this. I can feel Him cradling my heart reassuring me that He has this in His capable hands. I still don’t have “answers” but I do have Him and that’s all I need. I ask that you pray His peace would continue to sustain our hearts and minds.

My confidence is in Him, and I know He will go before me, stand with me, watch over me, BE with me, walk with me, and carry me through this whole thing. It’s strange to say, but I’ve never felt closer to Jesus than I do right now. It’s precious – His presence and His understanding of what it’s like to go through the undesirable. He knows. I ask that you pray we would find our security and strength in Him as we look to Him for what we need.

The excitement I feel is knowing, without a doubt, He has a plan in all of this and will use it for HIS glory and HIS purpose. How else could I be excited at this time? If He is in control and I have His peace, I can hold on to Him knowing He will bring beauty from my brokenness. Maybe I can’t see the entire work, but I can trust it’s going to be better than my mind can conceive. I ask that you pray we would keep our eyes on Him and our hearts surrendered to Him.

In the meantime, we’ll still pray for a miracle and rest in knowing HE HAS THIS – whether my healing miraculously comes tomorrow, comes through surgery, or awaits me in Heaven, I will trust Him regardless.